Bouquets of Sharpened Pencils

“I would send you a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils if I knew your name and address.” It’s a line from the movie “You’ve Got Mail,” a late ’90s movie I can’t help but watch whenever I see that it’s on.

Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks star in this cute little love story about a relationship that started in an online chatroom back in the days when internet access was still via dial-up.

I thought of bouquets of sharpened pencils because it’s almost back-to-school time, and, like many parents, I just spent the weekend buying new school supplies that are sure to keep my daughter organized and focused all year long.

I love this time of year. It’s kind of like a mid-year reboot — full of promise, the anticipation of crisp fall air (and football), and a head full of dreams about how organized I’m going to be — new pencils, new paper, new colored pens and folders! Bliss!

More than 1,000 local boys and girls will walk into their first day of kindergarten before month’s end. And several of our year-round schools are already underway. If recent statistics hold true, we’ll know two things about students in Henderson County this year:

• More than half will be considered “not ready” for school on day one of kindergarten.

• More than half in all grades will qualify for the free and reduced meals program.

If you’re like most people, you may be wondering, “What does ‘being ready’ mean?” The truth is, there is not a nice, clean checklist. Young children develop at their own speed and learn as they are exposed to new things in their environments.

Early childhood experts and K-12 educators across our nation have worked together to define what it means, but early life experiences vary widely among this age group, and children will walk into day one with a range of skills and abilities.

In general, being “ready” has less to do with children’s ability to name letters and numbers or spell their name and more to do with their ability to self-regulate, problem-solve, be imaginative and curious, take initiative, and be socially and emotionally competent. All of these skills are the business of early childhood development, and are developed through play during the first five years of life — play with their friends, with adults and by themselves.

All that development begins at birth and is shaped by the child’s environment. Early childhood environments that are rich with love and are safe and nurturing are best at preparing children for academic and social success. Environments that lack strong emotional connections with caring adults, are unsafe, unstable and high on stress are worse.

Often, the most detrimental thing impeding positive child development is poverty (and all of its impact).

Within the first 20 days of school, every kindergartner’s reading and math literacy skills will be assessed, and identifying numbers and letters becomes important. These state-mandated assessments will be repeated three times during the year and used to monitor students’ progress.

The good news is that county educators are doing a great job of taking the majority of those children from being “not ready” to being at grade level before the end of kindergarten. But imagine where a child who starts behind could have been if he or she had started “ready.”

Being ready is a two-way street. We want children to be ready for school, and we also want schools to be ready to provide positive learning environments with developmentally appropriate teaching methods that include lots of play, movement and engaging interactions. Additionally, for many children in homes with scarce resources, school can provide stability, routine and regular meals.

Here are some ways you can help impact the lives of our young children this school year:

School counselors or the Title I Department at the HCPS Central Office can connect you with the organizations that are managing local backpack programs. Backpacks full of food go home with our community’s neediest students on weekends and during breaks to ensure they have food available.

The schools’ HELP program works with families of students who are homeless. They need supplies (school supplies, toiletries, etc.).

Interfaith Assistance Ministries conducts an annual back-to-school supply drive and provides a Children’s Clothing Closet. School supplies, backpacks, shoes, coats and clothes as well as financial donations are needed.

Schools need volunteers to tutor children or read to a classroom. After-school programs like the Boys & Girls Club or Salvation Army need your support of both time and financial resources.

A number of local organizations are working together on the front end to increase the number of children who enter school ready to learn. Smart Start of Henderson County, the United Way of Henderson County and the Children and Family Resource Center work together to help address this. As nonprofits, we all need your support.

So, in the movie, he skips the bouquet of freshly sharpened pencils and actually takes her a bouquet of daisies. Be still, my heart.

Elisha Freeman is executive director of the Children & Family Resource Center (www.childrenandfamily.org; 828-698-0674).

This article was originally seen here.

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A new chapter in life confronts me

It’s so cliché.

I want to roll my eyes when I hear it, but for some reason I can only nod in agreement. And I even too often hear it tumbling out of my own mouth into the ears of mothers of young children: “They grow up fast.”

When I wrote my first column, my firstborn was about to graduate from high school and leave home. This time, it’s my baby-baby flying the coop.

My oldest leaving only slightly prepared me for this. I’m engulfed with grief. I find myself perfectly fine one second and sobbing the next. In fact, just recently I walked into the salon for a pedicure and was placed in the chair beside a longtime member of my church family. She excitedly asked how my kids were doing, and it was like she turned on a faucet behind my eyes.

It’s a chapter of my life closing long before I feel ready for it; and at the same time, I couldn’t be happier or more proud. My daughter will spend her senior year of high school studying piano at the North Carolina School of the Arts, and I feel blessed beyond words that she has this opportunity.

Here in the South, clichés about raising kids roll easily off our tongues. Here are some I’ve found to be true:

• “Grow like a weed.” Children do grow fast, especially in the first years of life. From the moment you were born up to age 3, your brain made 700 new neural connections every second! Your environment and the interaction you had with the adults in your life helped determine whether those connections were strong or weak.

Unlike the adult brain, a child’s brain is far more impressionable (scientists call it “plastic”). This means that during this period of life our brains are more open to learning and enriching influences. It also means they are more vulnerable to developmental problems if environments are not nurturing or if they are stressful.

• “The acorn doesn’t fall far from the tree,” “Like father like son” or “The spitting image.” I distinctly know those moments when I can feel that I look like my father, or when I hear my mother coming out of my mouth. I’m sure you do, too. One of our core beliefs at the Children & Family Resource Center is that parents are their children’s first and most influential teachers, and thus that all parents need to have the knowledge, support, tools and community to do a good job. Our programs are centered on helping parents be the best they can be, and in many cases work to stabilize home environments in an effort to prevent child abuse and neglect.

• “It takes a village.” I know very few women who didn’t have a “village” that helped them raise their children. My village consisted of family members, a large circle of close friends who were raising their children alongside me, a supportive and loving church family, and excellent teachers from preschool through high school. This “village” is a child’s community and will form his/her memories of home.

• “It’s easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.” Yes! Another core belief of ours is the value of starting early in our work with children. We can have the greatest impact on a person’s life if we start at the beginning and help prevent problems from starting in the first place.

• “Children are our most valuable resource.” Longitudinal research shows the rate of return on investments in early childhood ranges between 7 and 10 percent per annum through better outcomes in education, health, sociability, economic productivity and reduced crime.

In 2012, then Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke said, “Economically speaking, early childhood programs are a good investment, with inflation-adjusted annual rates of return on the funds dedicated to these programs estimated to reach 10 percent or higher. Very few alternative investments can promise that kind of return. Notably, a portion of these economic returns accrues to the children themselves and their families, but studies show that the rest of society enjoys the majority of the benefits, reflecting the many contributions that skilled and productive workers make to the economy.”

• “They are our future.” As a parent, I want my children to have all the opportunities (and more) that I had, with some of those being deep faith, a strong nation, freedom, opportunity for education and good jobs. Improving our economy, strengthening the middle class and reducing the national deficit are core values of our nation. Investing in people will make these things more possible. Furthermore, investing in the care and education of our youngest citizens will help foster valuable skills, strengthen our workforce and reduce social spending.

I came back to Henderson County to raise my children because it was such a great place for me to grow up. I am grateful for this community, and I thank each one of you who have personally touched our lives. Thank you for helping create a great community and for making “home” so special. I am grateful for those who remind me that “they’ll be back,” and tell me to look on the bright side, since “raising teenagers is like trying to nail Jell-O to a tree.” I may actually enjoy this new chapter.

Elisha Freeman is executive director of the Children & Family Resource Center (www.childrenandfamily.org; 828-698-0674).

The article was originally found here.

Fathers make a critical impact

It’s early morning, and I’m sitting here enjoying a cup of coffee and watching “Hope Floats.”

I’ve already cried while watching the scene in the movie where Birdie visits her dad in the nursing home. While she’s making herself busy hanging pictures in his room and filling the silence with chit-chat, she turns around to see him standing with his arms out to her. She steps in, and they dance.

I’m a daddy’s girl.

I’m sure to my mother it was as much a joy as it was an irritation. A joy because she wouldn’t have wanted it any other way for me, and an irritation because I am an only child, and I’m sure it often seemed to be two against one to her (even though I think she usually won).

In the world of working with young children, it’s often the mother with whom we engage. In many cases, she’s both momma and daddy to her kids. So I was excited to tell you last month about the trend we’re seeing among teen dads enrolling in our Adolescent Parenting Program with the actual intention to learn how to be good parents to their children.

It seems to me that there has been a good cultural shift for fathers — one where this current generation of young fathers is more engaged, starting with being in the room when their babies are born. My own father would have never considered that a possibility.

Even so, while we’re seeing this positive cultural trend, our nation is also experiencing what has been labeled a “father crisis.” According to the U.S. Census Bureau, one out of three children lives in a home where the biological father is absent. That is roughly 24 million children in America.

Like a mother, a father plays an incredibly powerful role in a child’s life, and that power can be good or bad. The impact of father involvement is extraordinary and has an effect on just about every social issue facing Americans today.

When dads are present, stable and involved, children grow up with more economic stability. Children in father-absent homes are four times more likely to live in poverty.

Children with stable fathers also have fewer behavior problems and higher academic achievement. Numerous bodies of research show positive father involvement improves children’s social, behavioral and psychological outcomes while also improving cognitive abilities.

When dads are absent, children are more likely to become teen parents (seven times more likely), commit crime, go to prison, face abuse or neglect, abuse drugs and drop out of school.

Having a stable and engaged father can mitigate the negative impact when children do not have a strong maternal relationship, even when the father doesn’t live in the home. Fathers who lovingly fill this role on a daily basis should be commended and supported by this community.

It is no surprise that children whose fathers are stable and involved are better off in almost every cognitive, social and emotional measure.

In a recent planning retreat, the Children & Family Resource Center board and staff made enhancing our work with fathers among our top priorities. Our work begins simply with inviting and encouraging fathers to be involved, and by offering support specific to their needs. We’ll start with the teen dads and the fathers already enrolled in our parenting programs by offering targeted education and role modeling.

We’ve also changed the name of our scholarship program. Once called the Scholarship for Single Moms, it is now the Scholarship for Single Parents. We encourage both moms and dads to apply in order to advance their education for the purpose of improving their ability to provide for their children.

We are partnering with other agencies to meet the specific needs of dads. This fall, we are planning for the teen fathers enrolled in our Adolescent Parenting Program to participate in the Boys & Girls Club’s Passport to Manhood program.

Finally, we’re continuing to plan our coming year with all sorts of opportunities and support for the dads (and moms) who walk through our doors each week. We see them from all walks of life with a great range of needs, financial and otherwise. We’re pretty excited about this new intention.

Without a doubt, the generosity of this community enables us to improve the lives of children by building stronger families and improving the quality of their environments.

As we celebrate our fathers this month, we should remember that we should not only encourage fathers to be involved. We should expect it.

This article was originally seen here.

Good news on teen pregnancies

Years ago, I remember walking into the den while my daughter was watching the reality TV show “16 and Pregnant.” I was initially shocked. MTV was pretty much a “no-no” in my house, and she was still pretty young to be watching it, in my opinion.

Instead of freaking out, I decided to watch an episode with her and let it launch a conversation that I’ve tried to keep open since then. Trust me, the episode was wrought with all kinds of teen drama, giving us plenty of things to talk about.

At that time, I would have never believed that reality TV shows like this one would be credited, in part, for a nationwide drop in teen pregnancy. In 2014, a study estimated that teen births dropped 6 percent in the 18 months following the show’s release.

Last week, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention released the news that teen pregnancy is on the decline in the nation. The same holds true here in Henderson County, and we at the Children & Family Resource Center couldn’t be more relieved.

Our work with teen parents has long had us aware of the need for better access to information for teenagers and for support for parents to help them gain knowledge and confidence to talk to their teens about sex.

Obviously, the reason for the decline in teen pregnancy is about much more than reality TV shows. A 2014 study by the Guttmacher Policy Review identifies two reasons that are at the opposite sides of the arguments about what to do about sex education. Those reasons:

• Fewer teens are having sex. Over the past two decades, there has been a shift in social norms that encourages teens to remain abstinent or delay sex.

• Today’s teenagers have better access to information about sex, and teens who decide to have sex have better access to contraception and are using it more often than in the past.

The newly released numbers show that birthrates among females ages 15-19 have declined 38.5 percent nationwide from 2006-2007 to 2013-2014. The largest drops have occurred among Hispanic (47.8 percent) and black (40.3 percent) teens.

North Carolina is seeing a 43.3 percent drop in birthrates for females ages 15-19, and here locally we’ve also seen numbers drop significantly with a 28.3 percent decline from 2013 to 2014.

Even though we are celebrating a decline in teen pregnancy nationwide, CDC Director Tom Frieden is correct in stating, “The reality is, too many American teens are still having babies.”

Obviously, teen parents need a lot of support. The odds are against them, and the obstacles can seem insurmountable. The statistics say that teen parents are less likely to complete high school, much less go to college. They are more likely to become pregnant again while still a teenager (22.3 percent of teen pregnancies in North Carolina last year were repeat teen pregnancies). We also know that children of teen parents are also at greater risks for health complications, academic challenges and social problems.

But it doesn’t have to be this way.

Over the past 15 years, we have proudly helped hundreds of teen parents successfully beat the statistics and graduate from high school, go to college, land jobs and go on to lead successful lives. Teens enrolled in the Children & Family Resource Center’s Adolescent Parenting Program receive individualized, targeted support aimed toward the goal of helping them graduate from high school and make choices to delay a second pregnancy.

We work to help them overcome life’s obstacles, develop solid parenting skills and knowledge of child development, and transition into adulthood by furthering their education and job training.

A trend we’ve noticed locally is the increasing involvement of teen dads. Through the years, I’ve often been asked, “What about the teen dads? What happens to them?” Teen fathers have always been welcome to participate in our program, but historically they have been hard to keep engaged. This year, we are about to enroll our fifth teen father in the program.

I recently read a great quote from a teen mom that appeared in a 2004 article in Parents Magazine about teen parenting. The 15-year-old mother said, “I’d like the world to know that teenage moms can be every bit as caring, loving and perfect or imperfect as any other mother. We’re parents, too, and we’re just like other parents — only a little bit younger and with a little bit more to learn.”

It is our privilege to work with parents to help them improve the lives of their children, no matter their age or circumstance. For more information about our programs, please visit our website, www.childrenandfamily.org, or contact us at 698-0674.

Elisha Freeman is executive director of the Children & Family Resource Center.

This article originally appeared on here.

Going Upstream for Crisis Prevention

Imagine you and I are taking a walk together. We’re strolling through the woods on a sunny, warm day when we hear water and people in the distance.

We walk toward the sound and come up to a river rushing fast from recent rain. We are alarmed to see people in the water being swept away by the current. We also see a crowd of people standing on the banks, working furiously to pull them to safety.

We rush to join the crowd on the banks and begin working alongside them, pulling people out as quickly as we can. It seems the harder we work, the more people there are to be rescued.

In the intensity of the rescue work, someone steps back and says, “Has anyone bothered to go upstream and see how all of these people are getting here to begin with?”

Perhaps you’ve heard this story before. It is one of prevention, and we’ve been telling it forever at the Children & Family Resource Center. At its core, it describes who we are in this community.

Our intent is to be an agency that is working upstream to keep people out of the crisis. To do that, we focus our work on children in their earliest years of life — believing we can have the greatest impact on their future, and our future, by intervening in those earliest years.

April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month. Last month, I talked to you about foster care and the wonderful opportunity we have to love children in our community. There are 153 children in foster care in Henderson County, but only 58 foster homes.

I am incredibly thankful for the loving families who are willing to open their homes to children in great need of love and support. But wouldn’t it be great if we didn’t need them at all?

According to Prevent Child Abuse North Carolina, an independent nonprofit organization dedicated to preventing child abuse and neglect, 127,515 child abuse and neglect reports were made in North Carolina between July 2014 and June 2015, costing North Carolinians more than $2 billion in medical and mental health services, juvenile delinquency interventions and lost worker productivity.

Here at home, there were 1,200 child abuse and neglect reports made during that period. Of those, 1,003 cases were opened for investigation and 256 were substantiated or found in need of services.

Child abuse and neglect can occur in any type of family with no regard to socioeconomic level, gender or race, and has many forms, including neglect, physical abuse, sexual abuse, psychological abuse and medical neglect.

Children who are abused suffer greatly and are more likely to experience low self-esteem, lack of self-control, higher levels of aggression and violence, academic and vocational problems, depression, alcoholism and interpersonal problems, and they are more likely to abuse their own children.

Sadly, our youngest children are at greatest risk. More than half (52.1 percent) of the nation’s child abuse and neglect cases involve children under age 7, with children under age 1 being the most likely victims.

Neglect is the most common type of child maltreatment, making up nearly two-thirds of all child abuse cases. Neglect ranges from failure to provide for the basic needs (like food) of a child to failing to properly supervise a child. Some 41 percent of deaths to children from abuse were due to neglect.

Somehow we have to work together to keep children out of these situations to begin with. Knowing our youngest children are most at risk, we can make that difference when we are able to work with new families to help them build protective factors like parental resilience and the ability to regulate emotion and respond to stress in a healthy manner.

We can also help create strong systems of support and connection for the family, help parents gain knowledge of child development and appropriate parenting strategies, and help children grow socially and emotionally competent.

The Children & Family Resource Center offers several programs and services that are considered best practices in preventing child abuse and neglect, and that help build these protective factors for children in our community. Fortunately, most parents do a good job caring for their children, but there are situations where some parents need extra help and support in caring for their children appropriately.

As adults, the responsibility lies with all of us to protect children. In fact, North Carolina law requires all adults to report possible child maltreatment if there is reasonable cause to suspect it.

If you suspect that a child is being abused or neglected, you can make a report by contacting the Henderson County Department of Social Services at 697-5572 or, after hours, at 697-4911. You do not need proof or permission to make a report, and your report can remain anonymous.

Elisha Freeman is executive director of the Children & Family Resource Center (www.childrenandfamily.org; 828-698-0674).

Article was seen originally here.

Building Brains Takes All of Us

Last spring I sat with a group of volunteers in a classroom at Hendersonville High School getting ready to judge senior project presentations.  A young woman walked in and I mistook her for a teacher.  My interest was piqued when I realized she was one of the students I’d be judging because her poise and demeanor suggested a more mature person.  When all the students had gathered, we went around the room introducing ourselves, trying to create a friendly environment and encouraging them to relax so they could do their best.  All of the presentations were excellent.  The students were well-prepared and did a great job, reinforcing my hope in this generation.  When the young woman finished with her presentation, I sat amazed at what I learned, the scope of the project she took on, the quality of her work, her powerful delivery, and the meaningfulness of the project itself to improving the life of another person.  In response, I couldn’t help but ask her if she was going to law school.  She responded no, but said she had plans to study sonography at AB Tech.  I was convinced that no matter what she did, she would excel.

After the students left and we were debriefing with the teacher, I learned that she was an honor student, which did not surprise me.  I also learned she is a teen mom and that did surprise me.  The next day, I was happy to learn she was already enrolled in our Adolescent Parenting Program and had been receiving the support and help she needed from our team to balance being the mother of a new baby while also being a superior high school student.   She graduated from high school this past June and in July received the NC Valedictorian Award, because she had the highest GPA among high school students enrolled in this program across the state of NC.  She is the third teen mom from Henderson County to win this award.

Today, she has completed the Adolescent Parenting Program and is now enrolled in our Parents as Teachers program where she’ll continue to get much-needed support to help her transition into adulthood and achieve self-sufficiency.  She has also been awarded one of our Scholarships for Single Mothers to help her pay for school.

While I’ve written mainly about this teen mom, this story is every bit as much about her son.  The moment he was born, he had most of the brain cells he would need for his entire life.  What began to happen, almost immediately, was that his little brain began building connections.  In fact, he is building 700 new neural connections per second in the first years of life.  This process of “brain building” is directly impacted by his environment and life experiences.   Because we know the environment of a child during the first years of life can have lasting effects, we focus our work and interventions in the first years of life.  Through our program, a trained parent educator will work with this young mother to help her create a stable, nurturing and stimulating home environment and to develop her parenting skills.   We’ll be in her home at least twice a month teaching her about what is happening with her son at each stage of his development so she can become the best mother and teacher for him.  We’ll teach her how to make play meaningful and how to help him gain the skills he’ll need later in life.   We’ll be giving him developmental screenings along the way, because we know it is important to catch them early and address them quickly.

The larger community will have a role in encouraging his growth as well.  He is going to need safe places to be, caring adults to love and help him, a healthy start with good health care and nutritious foods to eat and experiences that will encourage his learning.  We all have a role to play.

Families like this one are supported by a strong network we’ve been able to build in this community.  Our local United Way has kicked off their new annual campaign and your support helps in part to fund the programs that have helped this family.  Our other community partners join with us to make sure families have what they need for success, whether its medical care, safe and affordable housing or food. We communicate regularly, under the leadership of our local Community Foundation, gathering every other month to ensure we’re meeting needs and not duplicating services.

When all is said and done, our journey with this family will end in the weeks after he enters Kindergarten.  We will work with his mother and his teacher to transition him into school successfully.  In that time, mom will have finished school and will be employed and able to support herself and her son and he’ll be ready to learn all the things Kindergarten has in store for him.  With the support of this community we’ll have made a very smart investment in both of their educations and will have helped shaped a better future.

Mental Health Services Lacking for Local Children

By Elisha Freeman, Executive Director, Children & Family Resource Center

I’ve heard two comments in the past week that are disturbing. One was from a local pediatrician who lamented that there was only one pediatric psychiatrist (a different level of training than a psychiatrist who treats adults) in WNC who accepts Medicaid, leaving many of the children in her care without quick access to the help they need.

A few days later I listened as a local Kindergarten teacher talked of a student who, at age five, suffers from PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and how it affects his young life in the classroom, as a learner and a peer.  I shudder to think of what must have happened to him.

To some extent, I’ve avoided writing about this critical need for children because I’m certainly no expert.  The issues are complex and layered and, while a whole lot of people are talking about them, the solutions seem elusive.

The American Psychological Association reports that “an estimated 15 million of our nation’s young people can currently be diagnosed with a mental health disorder.”  The NC Infant Mental Health Association notes that social and emotional problems impair up to 10-14% of children nationally and in North Carolina, that equates to 91,000 children.  As stated in their annual report, social and emotional health is the foundation for everything that is critical to well-being in life, from physical health to our ability to learn, to connect with others, to thrive.  And it must be cultivated from the very beginning through nurturing relationships, positive experiences and supportive environments.

Improving access to mental health care services for children was identified as a priority back in 2007 when the local citizens came together to set our community’s priorities for our children at the United Agenda for Children’s Speak Out for Kids event.  As a result, two area providers, Blue Ridge Community Health Services and Family Preservation Services, are providing onsite mental health services to students in nine of our local schools.  They both accept Medicaid and NC Health Choice, they both accept sliding scale fees based on family income, and they both provide individual, group and family services.  At least one utilizes telemedicine to access a Psychiatrist when needed.  Although headway has been made, the problem hasn’t been solved.  In fact, it continues to grow as a critical need for people of all ages.

Among human service providers, there is frustration over lack of appropriate services and the wait times it takes to get much needed help.  Local parents have few choices for their children and children suffer without interventions.   The impact carries into the home, into schools and into our community.

Changes to how mental health services are delivered were implemented in 2001 (what we refer to as mental healthcare reform) with the establishments of Local Management Entities.  The intent was to privatize mental health service because the government was running everything.  On the surface, that sounded great, but private providers could not financially stay afloat. Unfortunately, lack of clear guidelines and reduced reimbursement rates led to frustration among providers and many experienced mental health professionals left the field.  Additionally, access to services was confusing; services became unavailable to clients, and the numbers of people with mental illness that ended up in emergency rooms and jails significantly increased.

Recognizing this growing crisis, the State made changes in 2012 (shifting to Managed Care Organizations) with the goal of reducing costs and improving the quality of care.  “The risks are high and if successful, NC would become a national leader in solving the problem of Medicaid financing for mental health services,” says Rose Hoban, health reporter for North Carolina Public Radio-WUNC, states in a five part series on NC’s mental health reform. “If it fails, it could cost billions to fix.”

Our General Assembly provides the infrastructure and funding that make things work through our state’s budget.  To work as its intended, the money side and the policy side need to match.  Jack Register with the National Association of the Mentally Ill (NAMI) of North Carolina reminds, “the intent was that all “savings” accrued by the Local Management Entity (LME) –Managed Care Organization (MCO) system were to be reinvested into creating and broadening innovative services.”

Currently, the Senate version of the budget proposes more funding cuts to the LME-MCO systems (in the millions).  Mental Health advocates are speaking out against these cuts saying they will simply hold us in a steady-state of current services (which remain confusing and inadequate) and not allow reinvestment into those innovative solutions.

I’m still not sure what all the answers are, I just know they are needed and I think we can learn something from our friends who are coming together in great quantities to oppose Duke Energy’s transmission lines project.  Until we get mad enough to demand something better, nothing is likely to change.  Improving mental health access for children (and adults as well), is something we all need to get a little more noisy about.

If you are the parent or care provider of a child with mental illness, NAMI of WNC can help you navigate the system of care and provide support services for your entire family.  Their number is (828) 505-7353 or email info@namiwnc.org.  If you or a loved one is experiencing a mental health crisis, contact our local Managed Care Organization, Smoky Mountain Center at (800) 849-6127 for 24/7 crisis response.    

 

Building an Asset-Rich Community for our Children

By: Elisha Freeman, Executive Director, Children & Family Resource Center

Think back to when you were a child.  Can you think of an adult outside of your immediate family (not your parents or grandparents) who had a positive influence on your life?  What are three things about that person that stood out to you?

I sat in a training session with my coworkers recently and we were asked to go through this exercise.  Here are the things we said out these special people in our lives:  authentic, real, consistent, vulnerable, relatable, willing to fight for me (literally), advocate, honest, they showed up, they were nonjudgmental, they affirmed me, they had high expectations of me, they valued me, they validated me, they invested time in me, they ‘recognized’ me, they modeled their values and beliefs (they walked their talk), and the most often repeated sentiment is that the person was there for them, present in their young life.

In a group of professional, on-the-top-of-their-game women, tears flowed as stories about these special people were shared.  It’s my guess, that many of the adults who had so significantly shaped our lives, had absolutely no idea what impact they had (I know I never told mine) and that led me to think, outside of my own children, what other children am I influencing?  Who are you influencing?

Our training was on something called the “40 Developmental Assets” for children.   Years and years of research have identified some forty “assets” that, ideally, a child should have a good number of (an ambitious goal would be 31) present in his life to develop to full potential.  While you may not have heard the term before, you would recognize the work because many of the assets are the cultural and community values we hold dear.

Assets are both external (rooted in the community or provided by others) and internal (values from within the child that are developed and influenced by those external inputs), and they are divided into eight asset categories:

  • Support: young people need to be surrounded by people who love, care for, appreciate and accept them.
  • Empowerment: Young people need to feel valued and valuable.   This happens when youth feel safe and respected.
  • Boundaries and Expectations: Young people need clear rules, consistent consequences for breaking rules, and encouragement to do their best.
  • Constructive Use of Time: Young people need opportunities, outside of school, to learn and develop new skills and interests with other youth and adults.
  • Commitment to Learning: Young people need a sense of lasting importance of learning and a belief in their own abilities.
  • Positive Values: Young people need to develop strong guiding values to help them make healthy life choices.
  • Social Competencies: Young people need the skills to interact effectively with others, to make difficult decisions and to cope with new situations.
  • Positive Identity: Young people need to believe in their own self-worth and to feel they have control over the things that happen to them.

Each of these categories has a list of assets that contribute to children growing up healthy. The assets reflect common wisdom about the kinds of things we already know young people need and deserve.

Research shows that the more assets a child has present in his/her life, the less likely they are to make harmful or unhealthy choices.  Of over 89,000 teenagers (in grades 6-12, ages approximately 11-18) surveyed those with more assets were far less likely to develop problem alcohol use, engage in violent behavior, illicit drug use or engage in sexual activity.  Furthermore, the research showed that the assets work without regard to gender, ethnicity, socio-economic condition, or geography.

Nationwide, 59% of the young people surveyed have fewer than 20 of the assets identified.

Ideally, a community would work together to be an ‘asset-rich community’ full of systems in place that build those assets and full of individuals (like the adults I mentioned above) who are called ‘asset builders.”   YOU are an asset builder, by the way.

A caring adult (the asset builder) provides the gateway to the ‘promises’ or the ‘assets’ children need to succeed.  The CEO of America’s Promise says, “Too many young people don’t have enough access to relationships with stable, caring adults who can help them get what they need to stay on track toward graduation and career.  Relationship poverty is not a lack of love or family, but a lack of access to additional sources of support that can lead to a more promising future.”

While we may not be calling it “asset building” I see that we are a community working hard to make sure our kids have these assets in place.   Our schools, churches (especially youth groups), civic organizations, agencies like Big Brothers Big Sisters, Boys & Girls Club, Children & Family Resource Center,  The Healing Place and armies of individual volunteers are investing in local youth to make a difference.  I encourage you to read more and get involved.

To learn more about what each of these means and some ideas about how you can influence each asset, visit the Search Institute’s website at:  http://www.gotassets.net/developmental-assets.html

Disturbing Hunger Trends in Henderson County

I was recently saddened to learn that the number of Henderson county students who qualify for the schools’ free and reduced meals program grew from 55% in the 2013-2014 school year to 59% in the current, 2014-2015, school year!  This equates to 7,965 children! 

Good nutrition is essential to a child’s proper physical growth, health and development.  Children who experience chronic, unsatisfied hunger will not get the necessary vitamins and minerals needed to reach developmental milestones.  The result is, children who are malnourished and vulnerable to childhood diseases and often have low immunity and poor overall health.  Lack of proper nutrition and adequate food can also lead to the development of mental health problems, academic achievement and future economic productivity for a child.

One in four children in Henderson County is living in poverty.   Poverty guidelines vary by household size, but in 2013, families with three people lived in poverty if their income was $19,530 or below.   Families in poverty struggle to cover basic needs including food.  Perhaps, in recent years, you’ve heard terms like “food insecurity.”  When a family or person is “food insecure,” the availability and quality of food to which they have access is not adequate for an active, healthy life.  National data shows that in 2012, more than one in seven US households (18 million) experienced food insecurity at some time during the year.  All these households experienced limited or uncertain access to adequate food, including reduced quality, variety, or desirability of diet.  About 7 million of these households had members who went hungry or skipped meals, an indication of very low food security. 

In Henderson County, two of our 23 local schools, Sugarloaf Elementary School and Balfour Education Center, participate in the Community Eligibility Provision (CEP) program, meaning the program offers school lunch and breakfast at no charge to all students enrolled in those schools.  A school becomes an eligible CEP site based on the percentage of students in poverty in those schools.

To combat this problem for children, communities invest in several ways.  Our local backpack programs and feeding programs are ways we, as community members, can get involved to make sure children in Henderson County have access to at least one healthy, nutritious meal each day. 

During the summer of 2015, the schools are partnering with our community to offer a Summer Food Service Program to provide healthy meals to children and teens in low-income areas at no charge primarily during the summer months when school is not in session.  In Henderson County there will be three locations where children, ages 2-18, can receive a free meal during the day.  They need our help as volunteers to make the program successful.

Meals, prepared by the Henderson County Public Schools’ Child Nutrition Department will be delivered to the sites and served to children Monday through Friday beginning June 22, 2015 – August 14, 2015 from 12:00 noon until 2:00 pm.  Volunteers are needed to serve food, maintain record and clean up afterwards.  The proposed sites (pending approval) are the Edneyville Community Center, located at 15 Ida Rogers Road in Edneyville (off of Hwy 64E), the Crosswalk located at the corner of 6th Ave and Buncombe Street in Hendersonville (operated by First Baptist Church) and King Creek Commons, behind Boyd Chevrolet on Spartanburg Highway.

Organizers are requesting volunteer helpers from our community to help serve meals and to provide books, activities and crafts for children to enjoy during the meal time.  Volunteers will need to complete a simple training and will need to provide a Driver’s License for a background check.  To volunteer, contact Amanda Stansbury at the Henderson County Public Schools Child Nutrition Program at (828) 891-6310 or by email at arstansbury@hcpsnc.org

I’m planning to challenge my staff members to get involved this summer and hope you’ll join us.  This is a great volunteer activity for work teams and groups of friends and families.  For more information about the program you can contact Amanda Stansbury at Henderson County Public Schools; Matt Gruebmeyer, Director of Title 1 Services at (828) 697-4514 or Todd McCullogh, Pastor of Hope United Methodist Church at (828) 697-6846. 

I was recently saddened to learn that the number of Henderson county students who qualify for the schools’ free and reduced meals program grew from 55% in the 2013-2014 school year to 59% in the current, 2014-2015, school year!  This equates to 7,965 children!  Good nutrition is essential to a child’s proper physical growth, health and development.  Children who experience chronic, unsatisfied hunger will not get the necessary vitamins and minerals needed to reach developmental milestones.  The result is, children who are malnourished and vulnerable to childhood diseases and often have low immunity and poor overall health.  Lack of proper nutrition and adequate food can also lead to the development of mental health problems, academic achievement and future economic productivity for a child. One in four children in Henderson County is living in poverty.   Poverty guidelines vary by household size, but in 2013, families with three people lived in poverty if their income was $19,530 or below.   Families in poverty struggle to cover basic needs including food.  Perhaps, in recent years, you’ve heard terms like “food insecurity.”  When a family or person is “food insecure,” the availability and quality of food to which they have access is not adequate for an active, healthy life.  National data shows that in 2012, more than one in seven US households (18 million) experienced food insecurity at some time during the year.  All these households experienced limited or uncertain access to adequate food, including reduced quality, variety, or desirability of diet.  About 7 million of these households had members who went hungry or skipped meals, an indication of very low food security.  In Henderson County, two of our 23 local schools, Sugarloaf Elementary School and Balfour Education Center, participate in the Community Eligibility Provision (CEP) program, meaning the program offers school lunch and breakfast at no charge to all students enrolled in those schools.  A school becomes an eligible CEP site based on the percentage of students in poverty in those schools. To combat this problem for children, communities invest in several ways.  Our local backpack programs and feeding programs are ways we, as community members, can get involved to make sure children in Henderson County have access to at least one healthy, nutritious meal each day.  During the summer of 2015, the schools are partnering with our community to offer a Summer Food Service Program to provide healthy meals to children and teens in low-income areas at no charge primarily during the summer months when school is not in session.  In Henderson County there will be three locations where children, ages 2-18, can receive a free meal during the day.  They need our help as volunteers to make the program successful.Meals, prepared by the Henderson County Public Schools’ Child Nutrition Department will be delivered to the sites and served to children Monday through Friday beginning June 22, 2015 – August 14, 2015 from 12:00 noon until 2:00 pm.  Volunteers are needed to serve food, maintain record and clean up afterwards.  The proposed sites (pending approval) are the Edneyville Community Center, located at 15 Ida Rogers Road in Edneyville (off of Hwy 64E), the Crosswalk located at the corner of 6th Ave and Buncombe Street in Hendersonville (operated by First Baptist Church) and King Creek Commons, behind Boyd Chevrolet on Spartanburg Highway.Organizers are requesting volunteer helpers from our community to help serve meals and to provide books, activities and crafts for children to enjoy during the meal time.  Volunteers will need to complete a simple training and will need to provide a Driver’s License for a background check.  To volunteer, contact Amanda Stansbury at the Henderson County Public Schools Child Nutrition Program at (828) 891-6310 or by email at arstansbury@hcpsnc.org.  I’m planning to challenge my staff members to get involved this summer and hope you’ll join us.  This is a great volunteer activity for work teams and groups of friends and families.  For more information about the program you can contact Amanda Stansbury at Henderson County Public Schools; Matt Gruebmeyer, Director of Title 1 Services at (828) 697-4514 or Todd McCullogh, Pastor of Hope United Methodist Church at (828) 697-6846.

 

Contradictions for Kids

Elisha 9-13

I learned the definition of the word contradictory when I was the wise age of “9 going on 10.”  At that time, my family lived in Beaufort, NC.   I was in the fourth grade and once a week I would go to work with my dad after school before we would walk down the street to my piano lesson.  Do you remember when you got to go to work with your parents?  How all those “older” people would make a big fuss over you.  One day, I was at his office and one of the ladies that worked with him had a niece who was in my class.  I was working on a project she heard about and she said something about the assignment that wasn’t true.  I can’t remember what she said, maybe it was the due date or some part of the work she had heard her niece talk about, but I corrected her.  She responded back in disagreement and in my full pre-adolescent mouthy little know-it-all fashion, I argued back.  I must have been indignant (I mean seriously, how would my friend’s aunt possibly know more about our project than I did?) and rude.

It came time to walk to my piano class and my father didn’t waste the opportunity to correct me.  I remember him saying that when I spoke to adults, he wanted me to do so without being contradictory.  He had to define the word for me.  I was surprised to know that’s how I sounded.  In my mind, I was stating facts and was unaware of my ‘delivery.’

Life is full of contradictions, especially in dealing with kids.  You’ve probably heard yourself say things like “Be yourself…but, not like that” or  “Don’t talk to strangers, but be polite when they speak to you” or, my personal favorite, “Don’t be a tattle-tale but if someone is mean to you, you need to tell me.”  I can feel the hairs on my neck rising now when I just think of that long, whiny drawn out, “Moooommmmm, he’s…(you fill in the blank, she has a big brother).”

There’s sometimes a pretty big gap between what we say we value for our children and how we act on their behalf.  Ouch.  I doubt anyone one would disagree that we want our community to be a safe and nurturing place for children, all children – even the ones that irritate us.   That’s the right thing to say, the right value to have.  But, are we acting in ways that make that true?  Are we, the adults, setting rules and policies to ensure those things? Do we pay attention to laws and actions that harm segments of people in our community? Or, are we too caught up in our own child’s life, our own careers, our own mobile devices, and our own little circle of peers that we’re missing the bigger picture of a better life for all of us?

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